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glass dragonfly

This is what I broke in 1995


I've never actually looked it up before today. In March of 1995 I survived an intra cranial bleed of the right orbitofrontal cortex lobe of my brain.  Two years before my event, I was in a major car accident. Although there were no bumps, bruises or scratches on the outside, the impact rocked my brain on the inside. I endured severe migraines once or twice a month for over a year. During the two foggy, pain fueled years between the accident and the bleed I began having episodes of short term memory loss. School became impossible. I literally felt as if I lost my mind. It was all the little things. I was perfectly functional. I could drive perfectly. Just remind me where I'm going. I just couldn't execute a plan, write a term paper or even read through a book. I needed lists of daily to-do lists for basic things like brushing my hair, what time to eat, what day it was, people's names that I met that day...same people from the day before but I forgot their names again and that I met them yesterday. Where I put my keys, where I parked the car. If it wasn't on the list, it wasn't getting done. I had to map out each day. Fake it til you make it. On the inside I knew something was waaaay out of sync. I started seeing doctors and attending cognitive therapy groups. I had MRIs conducted that showed nothing out of the ordinary. Until one day "it" popped. No one ever saw what "it" was. They found the problem because it reached it's breaking point and broke. The link above details the conditions that are prevalent for each area that is affected. For me it was the orbitofrontal cortex. There are so many things that are hitting home for me that I am astounded by the similarities. These days, despite all my troubles, I am thankful for every breath I take.  I have been pain free and I have managed to recoup my senses with few adaptations to accommodate things. My lists are much shorter. Some days I even wing it.

I have a very special place in my heart for Sen. Kathy Giffords. http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-504083_162-20057008-504083.html My situation was no where near the gravity of her situation. But I do know how hard I fought to be at the level I am at today. To know that she gets to have a little "real" time with her family is great progress indeed.

Rainbow over Guy Lombardo Marina. Easter Afternoon.


It seems my bleed fixed my disorderly thoughts. Very strange but I'll take it. I still wonder why/how I even survived the whole ordeal. Then I remember the old saying...do not look a gift horse in the mouth.

The painting was missing for a while. I took on an accounting day job. Pays the bills but leaves me unfulfilled. After seeing the flowers in February, I had no choice but to answer the call to my paintbrushes....It is my peace.

I was watching this the other day and thought of you...

I pray that you too can find happiness, despite the crap we need to deal with.