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Jan. 23rd, 2011

glass dragonfly

I know just how he feels.

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glass dragonfly

Day two

Can I tell you that this hurts like hell?  I gave her up to go live in a homeless shelter in the Bronx. She has a perfectly warm, clean bed and her siblings here and I am forced to send her out in the cold. Watching that train roll away is probably the hardest thing I've ever had to do. The system here is broken...I am too small to fix it by myself.

I stayed in bed all day yesterday. I couldn't get up. I couldn't eat. My back hates me for it today.

My daughter snuggled and cuddled me. She helped me to feel much better. She asked me, "Does this mean I am the baby in the house again?" I told her that she's always been my baby.

Jan. 21st, 2011

me again

See ya later Alligator.

I'm gonna miss the little bugger under my feet. Her singing at the top of her lungs in the car on the way home. But right now, it's her mother's turn. Sleep overs at TiTi's house will be the bestest.

Jan. 20th, 2011


One day left.

Today I'm packing her bags. Tomorrow, she will kiss me goodbye. She wont even realize that this time she's not just going for a visit. She's staying there.The tears just keep coming.

Jan. 18th, 2011

screws fall out

Guess What?

I'm still here. I feel like a lurker of empty hallways though. LJ seems to have crickets these days.

I've gone through a lot in the last year. I have also found it more beneficial to actually do something about stuff instead of lamenting and posting about all the things that trouble me. Being that lots of things have been troublesome, I don't post.

Rebecca is getting her girls back. This Friday, I send Kayla back to her Mom. This summer Taty will be going to Mom too after 12 years. It is the best thing that I never wanted to happen.

I have three days left of Kayla's bubbly voice in my ear every day. I hope that what I have given her is enough for where she is going. I know that I'll still be right here...

Oct. 3rd, 2010

glass dragonfly

Spirit Day

Originally posted by neo_prodigy at Spirit Day

It’s been decided. On October 20th, 2010, we will wear purple in honor of the 6 gay boys who committed suicide in recent weeks/months due to homophobic abuse in their homes at at their schools. Purple represents Spirit on the LGBTQ flag and that’s exactly what we’d like all of you to have with you: spirit. Please know that times will get better and that you will meet people who will love you and respect you for who you are, no matter your sexuality. Please wear purple on October 20th. Tell your friends, family, co-workers, neighbors and schools.

RIP Tyler Clementi, Seth Walsh (top)
RIP Justin Aaberg, Raymond Chase (middle)
RIP Asher Brown and Billy Lucas. (bottom)

REBLOG to spread a message of love, unity and peace.

b ur self

here i am...

Hooray!! I downloaded my old pal Semagic to make my livejournal posting easier on the HTML. You should be hearing from me more often now.

I'm still alive and doing just fine. Things are still stressed but we are coping better these days. Family court was last Thursday. It went quite well. Rebecca is still on the right path to getting her kids back. Finishing her program and been making regular visits. She needs more time to bond with Kayla. The people who run the program have been making that nearly impossible. All kinds of complications and stipulations and time constraints on the visitation hours. The limitations were not being consistent and were leaving her at the mercy of the spiteful vindictive nature of those that are running the program. The judge fixed all that last Thursday and put Brian in charge of the visitation hours and whether or not times would be sufficient and consistent. The people at the program just need to stfu, make the appropriate accommodations and stfu some more. There's progress to be made. We cannot have these kids at the mercy of people who make our lives difficult. The judge ruled completely in our favor.

Tomorrow is the house. Foreclosure of the house to bring closure to our lives. The bank has played dirty pool for long enough. I'm looking forward to bidding that chapter of my life adieu. So all terrible things have been turning out for the best. I pray for more of the same tomorrow ;)

Jul. 19th, 2010

glass dragonfly

(no subject)

Things have been turning a new leaf around here.
We received a hefty chunk back on our tax returns which helped us tremendously.

Brian scored a new massage gig to suppliment his office gig. He picked up a massage chair!! New avenues are opening.

My office has been chugging right along as well. They gave me a raise. In this economy, I am flattered. The company is gathering up some big projects on some big NYC real estate. This whole Radio Communications thing is quite interesting. It helps to be living in a "having.to.be.in.touch.at.all.times" kind of society. Security has become quite the priority. Private channels and FCC requirements is all neat stuff if you are a geek like me.

I've made progress in my art world by putting my studio area together. I just haven't done anything with it yet. I haven't even decided which way I will go with it. Brainstorming the possibilities is always entertaining. Then I go unpack more stuff in my way...still.

Rebecca has been visiting her daughters every Sunday for quite a while. I think her eyes are open. We had a long talk on Mother's day. She's frightened. She's sorry. In all these years I have never heard her say sorry even once. She said it. I don't know why that is so important to me coming from someone who lies to get their way. She has been studying hard for her exams. Once she finishes the schooling part of her program, the search for Nassau County Housing begins. She's been dedicated to her son and to making it out here each week with him in tow. At present she takes two trains and three bus/subways to get from where she is, in the Bronx, to us. Her son shares a birthday with my father-in-law. I find this cosmically amusing.

In a few weeks we will be going down to NC to visit friends and do some recon for real estate. I haven't been away in over two and a half years. It will be nice to get away for a bit. Rebecca will be taking her girls and we will be going with just Caleb and Marlena. For the first time in 11 years it will be "just us". I am uncomfortable with that statement but I have to make the best of it. All in all the sun still rises in the east and sets in the west. It happens whether or not I am there to greet it. I am certainly keeping my eyes on the horizon and maintaining my course. One small hurdle at a time. In the mean time, It would be nice to get a shout from those who still pay any mind to this page... I'd never write any of this stuff on the "other social network" ;)

Apr. 11th, 2010

glass dragonfly

(no subject)

It seems my lasy post was a bit disconcerting. Even for me. I need a pro-bono lawyer (or one that wont mind a VERY extended payment plan) to help my plug the holes in this dam before it bursts. The foreclosure hearings are less than a month away and I have nothing accomplished. The money I could be making by renting out the other house would certainly help me. I can't rent it out until I know I get to keep it. I wouldn't subject anyone to going through the trouble of moving in if they will have to be moving out so soon. That would be one hole plugged.

The Water district here needs a piece of my mind as well. Back in February I drove through a river of water on my way to work. The river was the result of a broken water main break that was left to cover the road in black ice. There were no lights, bells whistles or even sand to attempt to prevent the van from sliding into an embankment. It scared the crap out of me and the three other cars that slid all over the road behind me. Because it was just me against the embankment, I didn't file anything with my insurance company. I do however feel that the water district should be responsible for paying out some of the damages being that it was a known issue without any attempt to prevent the inevitable. Negligence on the part of the water department if you ask me. There's another hole plugged.

I could also uses a handyman to help set up a space for me to have an art studio back again. I'd love to start back on some smaller canvases and see if I can't sell them for a dollar or two. I have all my leftover paint supplies from the faux finishing. I've tabled that in favor of the small stuff due to my full time office gig. Therefore, if I had a space I could start doing my commissioned pieces as well as art for the fun of it again. It makes me smile just to think that it would be possible. I have what I need scattered all over the new house still in boxes and quite disassembled. That is a gaping and gushing wound right there that needs stitches. Having my art back would almost make me feel whole again. What a concept that is....

Thank you my friends. Thank you for your thoughts and prayers...I send my virtual hugs and kisses...

Apr. 10th, 2010

glass dragonfly

The working poor don't live easy lives.

I am beside myself. I have officially exhausted all of my current resources and can't even serve my kids lunch today.

I have vowed to move forward and try not to dwell on how hard all of this can be but then I have days like this where I feel like it all consumes me and my fire goes out. Days like this make me hide in the house and be mean to my kids. Not because I want to be mean. They just ask me for things that I have no choice but to say NO. My refrigerator is empty and I'll have to send them off to their friend's houses.

The Good news is that the rent check cleared. I had to borrow half of it from family. The house on Plitt is still vacant and I could have been living there for nothing if the bank didn't screw me. I need to manifest more solutions.

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